Coming home
by Lagunaa1
Summary: "Christmas isn't the same without you by my side" Fast forwarding to 2020. Carla and Michelle reunite.


I haven't written much for a while but started this a few days ago after having felt slightly emotional for the past few days with Michelle's upcoming departure, then BrooklynBlue uploaded her Carchelle story (which is incredible as always) and it gave me a kick up the backside to finish this chapter. I hope any Carla and Michelle fans enjoy 😊 xo

"Did you convince her? Please tell me you did?" Carla couldn't even attempt to hide the desperation in her voice as she sat down in a both opposite Ryan. It had been nearly 12 whole months since she her best friend had left, she hadn't been able to visit her often with her and Peter helping Daniel with Bertie and also helping Roy adapt to life with Nina, but this hadn't stopped her feeling guilty, she knew Michelle was struggling, every phone call they had Michelle attempted to put on a front and assure her best friend that she was fine and coping. Michelle had left the street in such a broken state that Carla's own heart felt like it shattered for the younger woman, she had suffered so much pain in her life and it hurt even more because Carla knew she sure as hell didn't deserve any of it. Losing Robert had hit Michelle like a tonne of bricks, despite thinking she was at a stage where she would have been happy to never see his face again, after his death Carla could tell the guilt was eating her up inside, each time she took a glance around their flat, each time she had to walk past the Bistro, it had made everything so much more difficult and in the end she had no choice but to leave, she had told Carla, Ryan, Ali and the rest of the family that it was only temporary, but the couple of weeks turned into a month, then into another, and up to now it seemed like she had no intentions of stepping foot onto the cobbled street ever again.

"I tried my hardest but this is the last place she wants to be at Christmas, she said she'll think about it but no promises" Ryan watched Carla's face physically drop at the news, she needed her back in her life, after her breakdown the previous year Carla had noticed how much more sensitive she now was, Michelle had always been a source of strength and the more she thought about it she realised that she had shrunk back into herself again since the new year.

Ryan watched with concern as Carla sat clearly disappointed and deep in thought, he missed his mum too but it was no where near on the level that Carla did, he knew how deeply they cared for each other, every time Michelle called Ryan she would ask how Carla is doing and to keep an eye on her. A thought suddenly popped into his head and he was surprised Carla didn't see him almost jump from his seat, he had an idea, he knew the only way Michelle would come back here was for Carla.

Sat at home, fingers hovering over the letters on the screen of her phone, Carla re read the message she had typed so far, however the more she re read the more she started to doubt whether to send it or not. Learning that Michelle did not want to return for Christmas had been a punch in the gut and it magnified to Carla how much she thought about her best friend, that's what she had always been, however recently her thoughts were making her doubt herself, she wondered if craving somebodies touch to this extent was normal for best friends, this was how her and Michelle had been for so long she had always thought it was the norm. She didn't think she could handle this Christmas without Michelle around and right now if that meant leaving Peter and travelling over to Ireland on Christmas Eve then that is what she would do. Throwing her phone down beside her, she retrieved her laptop to begin searching for flights.

A glass of wine and a scan through all of the airline's websites and all the flights to Dublin, Cork or even Belfast were all fully booked, people must have been much more organised than her and planned their trips back home well in advance. Cursing and slamming her laptop shut she drained the remaining wine from her glass, poured another and started to take large gulps. She picked her phone back up, glancing down at the message she had typed but was yet to send, it was an honest, raw and emotional message, she didn't want to guilt trip Michelle, but she desperately wanted her here, after re reading the message several times, she decided this was something that should be said rather than typed out, with a shaking hand she selected the call button on Michelle's contact number and slowly held the phone to her ear, she couldn't remain seated, and paced up and down the living room, it was Christmas Eve and everybody was out at the Rovers, Carla could hear everybody singing in the bar. Peter was out with Simon, spending some time with him seeing as he was spending the day with Leanne, so she had decided to spend Christmas at the pub with Jenny and Jonny. Each ring of the phone caused Carla's heartbeat to quicken, and when it eventually went to voice mail and she heard Michelle's voice, she couldn't help the tears that threatened to fall. Her voice felt like a stab to the heart, she wondered if Michelle was busy, maybe she had met someone now and they were out enjoying their Christmas and preparing for their first Christmas together, Carla hoped he was good enough for her, but he wouldn't be, no one ever would be, Michelle deserved the world and she doubted anybody would ever treat Michelle as well as she deserved. Maybe they were having a cosy night in, Christmas pyjamas, a takeaway and a bottle of red, or maybe a festive Baileys. A pang of anger tore its way through Carla's body, and it was an feeling she wasn't used to, it confused her slightly before she realised it was jealousy, she wanted to be the one sat with Michelle, she craved her touch and would have given anything to be sat Infront of a Christmas film with her arms around Michelle, making her feel safe, happy and most importantly loved. Realising the phone had gone onto voicemail a few minutes ago, Carla quickly put the phone down and lowered herself into one of the chairs, she was thoroughly confused by her feelings, it felt like they had appeared from nowhere but the more she thought about it, the less weird it felt, it seemed right, there was no way she could ever tell Michelle, she couldn't see her feeling the same and the possibility of telling her and her freaking out and disappearing from her life forever was most definitely more painful than attempting to keep a lid on her feelings.

Carla debated going to bed, but knew there wasn't much point until closer to closing time, she had noticed the volume levels rising as the evening had gone on and she wouldn't be able to sleep through the noise of the Christmas songs being sung the closer it grew to midnight. Maybe a quick bath would help her relax both her body and the thoughts going around her head, slowly walking over to the kitchen she stared at the bottle of wine that she had almost polished off, she poured the remaining wine into a glass, it being the perfect large measure, she found herself staring aimlessly at the glass, this always seemed to happen when she was alone, she wasn't strong enough on her own, Michelle was good for her, cared about her and always made sure she did what was best, but there didn't seem much point at the minute, she picked the glass up and began to lift it up to her lips.

"and there was me thinking you'd poured that for me…" the sound of a voice almost caused Carla to drop the entire contents in her hand. She froze, almost too scared to turn around, scared that her mind was playing a horrible trick on her. Hearing her voice caused tears to gather for the second time that evening and she slowly began to turn around, her eyes falling on the younger woman, wrapped up in a fluffy jacket complete with scarf, her hands full on gift bags, a forced grin plastered on her face, to anybody else she looked happy, but Carla could tell how much effort was behind it. Michelle as good as dropped the bags in her hand, rushing over to embrace the other woman, pulling her into a bone crushing hug, her own tears came thick and fast now and as she pulled back slightly, both women had tears streaming down their cheeks, Carla pulled Michelle back in, placing aa hand behind her head and pushing her own head into Michelle's shoulder, breathing in her scent, her signature perfume, god she had missed that smell. Neither needed to speak a single word, and when they finally pulled apart, Carla hesitated for just a moment before placing both her hand around Michelle's face, looking deeply into her eyes, the pain was still evident, and being back here was bound to be tough, Carla was in awe, she really was the strongest person she knew.

"What are you doing here?" the question was almost whispered, she couldn't work out what was going on, she had managed to convince herself that Michelle would definitely prefer to spend Christmas without her in Ireland.

"You really thought I wouldn't come back for Christmas? Carla you and the boys are the most important things in my life, theres no way I could be apart from you all.. even if it is difficult being back" her eyes dipped to the floor at the end of the sentence, almost feeling weak for admitting how she felt.

"Hey" Carla gently placed her finger beneath Michelle's chin and gently tipped it up

"You're allowed to be sad, to find it difficult, this place holds so many memories for you, and a year realty isn't that long… even if its felt like a lifetime not having you around" Michelle smiled weakly at the older woman's words, it had been so difficult being away from everyone, even if she was close to her mum and dad it just wasn't the same, as much as she had tried to settle in somewhere else, in her heart she knew she would never be happy being too far from Carla and her sons.

"I'm just going to pop out and see the boys, they don't know I'm back yet, but I promise I won't be too long and we can have a proper sit down and catch up, but please Carla, promise me you won't drink anymore of that wine whilst I'm out, you know you need to take care of yourself.. I worry about you"

Moving forward Carla smiled weakly, this is what made Michelle different to everybody else, she was completely selfless, and it was totally genuine, she cared for Carla unlike anybody else and her heart swelled as she slowly took Michelle's hands in her own and brought their bodies closer together. Carla gazed right into the deep warm brown hues of Michelle's eyes which glistened with the tears that she was holding in.

"You shouldn't worry about me…"

"I always have, and always will" their voices were both still barely above a whisper but they could both hear what the other was saying as clear as day, the distance between them shortened further, until their foreheads touched, and they both closed their eyes, revelling in the closeness. Both knew what it felt like to be alone, but they both also knew not everybody was lucky enough to share the love and connection that they did. It was so different with them, both could just be themselves, not even try to be strong or hold the persona they both had to the outside world, they both knew a different side, one that nobody else got to see. It was so special and the time apart had made them realise and they were both taking a moment to just appreciate the other. Looking directly into Michelle's eyes, Carla's mind went into over drive, her thoughts from earlier resurfacing and seemingly being confirmed, she truly loved the woman in front of her and she wondered how it had taken this long for her to realise. Lost in the moment, any rational thoughts had left Carla, she had been craving the touch of Michelle for months and having her this close now, she never wanted to let go.

"I missed you so much you know"

"I know baby, me too" Michelle's words cracked as the tears fell yet again, it was a relief having someone be there for her now, her mum and dad were wonderful, but not the most comforting of people, especially her mother, they always taught Michelle to dust herself off and carry on, she never really gave herself a chance to grieve for any of the losses in her life, being with Carla she felt like she could really let all the barriers down and finally grieve.

No words were spoken for a moment as their eyes locked and they just seemed to be appreciating the other for a minute, and then then the last of the gap was closed, neither could have said who initiated it, but the feel of Carla's soft lips on hers was exactly what she had needed at that time so she was definitely not resisting, the kiss was feather light, and had their position been different it could have been passed off as accidental, but they both knew what this was, and they both wanted it, Michelle pushed back slightly harder, hoping to reassure Carla who she could feel trembling, with that push from Michelle, Carla found a new confidence, placing her hands against Michelle's cheeks and slowly wrapping them around the back of her head to steady their now more passionate kiss. Michelle wrapped her arms around the older woman's waist as she felt herself being pushed slowly backwards. There was a desperation in the kiss from both sides, and as soon as Michelle reached the couch, she felt herself pushed firmly onto it, her best friend now hovering over her, then her lips crashed against hers once more, and Michelle gasped as Carla deepened the kiss, biting gently at her lower lip as she did. Michelle's mind had clouded over, she couldn't think about anything other than the feeling she was getting right now, it felt so good, good to be loved and appreciated, their kiss said more than words ever could, they both knew this was new territory. Several minutes passed and Michelle slowly and gently broke the kiss, the quick rise and fall of her chest showing Carla just how breathless she was from their moment of passion. Michelle's moved her hands over the brunettes back and then back over her hips, stroking gently as they both had a moment to catch their breath.

They both heard the foot steps coming towards the back room of the pub and Michelle quickly pushed Carla off her, both of them sitting up quickly, their eyes sought each other's as realisation of what just happened seemed to hit them, before either of them could say a word Jonny and Jenny both came walking in, apologising for not being able to see Michelle properly yet, but they had closed up now and could all have a drink. Not knowing how to handle the situation she was now in, Michelle couldn't sit in a room with Carla without discussing what had happened. She didn't regret it, in fact it was difficult to keep her distance from the other woman now, but it would have to wait until it was just the two of them. She suddenly had an idea that if she made her excuses to go and see Ryan and Ali, that by the time she got back it would give her and Carla time to be alone and discuss earlier. Michelle's cheeks flushed as she thought back over the kiss, she had never felt like that before, it was something she had never encountered before, but she hoped it wouldn't be the last time.

"Sorry guys, I promised the lads I'd go over and see them quickly, can we catch up tomorrow?"

Carla looked panicked at the thought of Michelle leaving, she was panicking now that she had pushed her, that it wasn't what she had wanted. Luckily as Michelle began to leave she locked eyes with the older woman, taking her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze as she passed her.

"I love you" the words should have been almost inaudible but Carla heard each word loud and clear, her eyes filling with tears as Michelle exited the room.


End file.
